A remark made more than two decades ago by the mother of a good friend of mine made a lasting footprint on how I live my life.
It all started with a wedding.
Weddings are funny things. Like lottery wins, funerals and instant celebrity, they can bring out the best...and the worst...in people. I like to think that this wedding brought out the best in me.
Back more than two decades ago, one of my very best and special friends announced that she was engaged. I knew there was going to be a big wedding and I also knew, pretty much without question, that I'd be asked to be her Matron of Honour. To me, it was a shoe-in.
That was my first mistake.
The person she chose for her Matron of Honour was someone I didn't even know. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised and more than just a little bit hurt. True, we were in a phase of our friendship where I was not the one she talked to daily about all the ups, downs and sideways of her personal and professional life, but we'd been friends for a long time and I was practically one of her family. In my heart and mind, there was no way she'd think of anyone other than me for that coveted honour.
So I made an assumption, and you know what they say about assuming: it makes an "ass" of "u" and "me".
In the interests of our friendship and the close relationships I enjoyed with her family, I hid my hurt and disappointment. There were many social events and celebrations leading up the wedding, and I was there with bells on for all of them.
At one of these events, in a tender moment between my friend and I, she confided the reason she'd chosen someone else. Apparently she'd been torn between me and the person she did eventually choose, and she asked her mother for help with her dilemma. Her mother, a great fan of mine and someone who proved, time and time again to be one of the wisest, most savvy, compassionate people I have ever known, told her daughter: "Choose who you want Honey. Karen has big shoulders."
When my friend told me this, I couldn't help but beam with pride. Her mom knew instinctively that my friend's choice would not damage or diminish our friendship, which was my friend's chief concern.
It didn't...and hasn't. We are closer today than we ever were.
And knowing that this special lady thought I had big shoulders inspired me and made me more determined than ever to grow them.
Over the years, there have been other disappointments...not being chosen to be a Godparent on more than one occasion when once again I "assumed" it was in the bag: being passed over for promotions, not being appointed Executor to an estate, not getting the job after acing an interview, not being mentioned in a speech, not being asked to give a speech.
But my big shoulders have handled it all.
I'm a much happier and better person for it.
You do have strong shoulders, which is a very good thing.
They help to support that good head that you carry around, and they are there for those around you who need your shoulder to both cry and lean on.
With all sincerity, thanks for always being there for me.
Posted by: Thinkinaboutcha | 07/21/2013 at 02:11 PM